NeuroLinguistic Programming

The Reframing Exercise

Reframing is a technique used by many therapists and counselors to create a different way of looking at a situation, a person, or an event by changing our perspective. We can do this by looking for the positive intention (there is a positive intention behind every behavior) and seeking alternative ways to meet that positive intent. This will change the meaning the event has for us. When we can look at something from a different perspective, how we feel changes and we can go from feeling stuck, angry, confused, or hurt to feeling compassion, understanding, acceptance, or appreciation.

For example, let’s say your job ends. That may seem awful on the surface, but let’s reframe it. What are the possible benefits of losing your job – the positive intention? First of all, losing your job is “being out of work” and this becomes “looking for a new job.” This could be a good thing because it could give you the opportunity to look for a job that better suits you or is a step up in your career. You now have the freedom to pursue your dream job using everything you learned at the last job. So you have changed your experience of this event – rather than “losing your job” and experiencing loss and frustration, you now have a great opportunity and can experience excitement and anticipation.

Another example is that if a friend doesn’t respond immediately by text or phone call when you reached out to them, you might assume that they are angry with you, or that you did something wrong and they are punishing you. However, think of what other possibilities might exist: maybe the person is in an all day meeting, perhaps their phone battery died, or they are feeling equally as bad and need time to think through the situation from their perspective before responding to you. Allow for the possibility that there may be a positive intention behind their actions.

In such situations, it’s natural to feel discouraged and focus on what you have lost or what might be wrong with you or with them. This just compounds the problem. By shifting your focus to the possibilities that now exist, you change your emotional state and clear your mind, which allows you to feel better about yourself and your future.

The essential idea behind reframing is that a person's point-of-view depends on the frame it is viewed through – like looking out different windows. When the frame is changed, the meaning changes and what follows is a positive shift in your thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

Reframe Exercise

While this technique is often used in therapy, it's something that you can use with yourself, your spouse, your children, and your friends. With practice, you will learn that an initial conclusion is only one possible explanation or interpretation of an event or situation.

Try this technique when you feel badly about something or helpless about a situation. Reframing will take almost any negative situation and empower you by changing the meaning of the experience into something positive.

 
 

Step 1:

Pick an event that is upsetting to you. Has someone said something or done something that hurt you?

 
 
 

Step 2

:

Ask yourself:

  • Is there another way to look at this?

  • What might be the positive intention behind their behavior?

  • What are three different (positive) reasons they may have done what they did?

 
 
 

Step 3:

Once you have the answers to the above questions, check in with yourself and notice how your thoughts and feelings have changed. You will most likely feel much better about them and about yourself.

 

The goal of reframing is to develop a gentler way of talking to yourself and of thinking about others by recognizing that there are many ways to look at a situation – many different frames to look through – and many possible positive intentions behind a behavior. This exercise will help you gain a new, more positive perspective on just about anything.